never get over you getting over him

Our conversations were limitless, in terms of topics to discuss upon. Uhm yep, it is indeed limitless to the point that I get hurt though i shouldn't be feeling it i think. From one conversation basta i just can't mention it to this conversation...

me: you like the same person pa din?
jica: who?
jica: musta ka na?
me: me?
me: wala
jica: i mean your heart?
me: bakit napunta sa akin ha?
me: wala...
me: you like same person pa din?
me: oi sagutin mo tanong ko
jica: hahaha
jica: para di lang ako yung magsasalita bah
jica: ehehehe
jica: sino na person?
me: *stick-out-tongue emoticon*
me: jix as in xa
me: bakit meron pa bang iba?
jica: c jet ibig mo sabihin?
me: ofcourse
me: hahahaha
jica: hahahaha
jica: yep i think
jica: kainis namn xa eh
jica: hahayz
jica: ikaw?
jica: share ka naman

she tried so many times to change the topic but I tried to redirect her to our original topic. gago ko noh... I initiated in hurting myself pero i wanted to know lang naman din how was her heart eh.

me: bakit xa nakakainis?
jica: ehehehe
jica: kc nakakainis lang tlga xa
me: bakit nga?
jica: anyweiz share ka din
me: bakit ano ba ginagawa niya?
jica: unfair pag ako lang
jica: bakit sawi ka?
jica: sabi ni karen
me: stop asking muna beh
me: si karen lang may sabi nun
me: you know naman pla na its unfair... then y not move on?
jica: nah
jica: bakit man? (refering to sawi thing)
me: i mean you can't stay that way forever
jica: i know yur
me: you know but you can't do it
jica: yan palagi sinasabi ni sam (what the?!)
jica: hahayz
jica: how man beh?
jica: magkagrupo pa kami
jica: kainis
me: by giving time for yourself and other people
jica: i'm trying to stay away na nga eh
me: jix its not staying away
jica: im spending time with other people (bakit ako di kasali? huhuhuhu.. hehe)
me: dapat you still acknowledge his presence
me: but don't dwell on him
me: just be civilian to him...
jica: yeah ganyan yung ginagawa ko
jica: kc wala naman akong magawa xa yung lumalapit (kapal?! peace.)
jica: hahayz
me: well paglumapit xa then be it.
me: naiintimidate ka kc agad i think... pag andjan xa
jica: di noh
jica: ehehehe
jica: hahayz
me: sure?
jica: sure
me: ahh okey
me: then better
jica: inaaway ko man yan xa pag lumalapit
jica: hahayz
jica: kainis kc xa pag tumingin
jica: hahaha
jica: anyweiz... kaw na man?

Now i'm pissed... kainis makuha bang ikwento nakakaano ng gana makipag usap... hahayz but i tried to be patient... hay naku! ang sarap untugin ulo sa cemento...

me: naiintimidate ka
me: jix
me: ngek
me: wala naman ako maishare eh (sus kung pwede ko lang sa'yo! grr)
me: wala talaga
me: blank
jica: hows your heart nga?
me: okey lang ( kahit hindi okey! hmmp!)
me: nothing much
jica: sus
jica: chikka ka bah
me: yun nga
me: wala naman akong ichichikka eh
me: kc wala namang nangyayari
jica: ows?
me: yep
jica: sige na (kayanin mo kaya kung sabihin ko?! hay naku!)
me: wala tlga
jica: bakit sinabi ni karen na sawi ka?
me: ewan ko
jica: ngekz
jica: pwede ba yun?
me: nilalagyan lang nya ng meaning ung "hahayz" ko
jica: hahaha
jica: pero baka naman meron tlgang meaning yun
me: wala eh
jica: oh?
me: kc wala naman talagang nangyayari eh
me: cge ask ka ng question
me: if you want to ask
me: then pag may maisagot ako
me: ianswer ko
jica: ano naman itatanong ko
me: i dont know
jica: im not good in asking questions
jica: bakit nga ba sawi ka?
me: i dont know
me: sige ask anything
jica: share ka nalang
jica: ayokong mag ask
me: ill try to answer
me: wala kc akong maishare
jica: nah
jica: ala talaga
jica: sige na yu
jica: meron yan
jica: eheheh
me: what man?
jica: ang kulit ko noh?
jica: you found someone nah? ( where did this came from?)
me: nopez
me: wala
jica: sure?
jica: ehehe
me: yep
me: sure
jica: ako din
jica: ehehe
jica: wala pa
jica: hahayz
me: huh?
me: c jet man kaya?
jica: daming sawi
jica: but we're not meant for each other
jica: hahayz
me: then y hold on?
jica: i dont know
jica: i wanna let go
me: then let go
jica: i can't
jica: i've tried
me: you can't 'coz you don't want to
jica: i want to
me: no you don't

i know her better.... a lot better actually...

jica: ok fine... part of me doesn't want to
me: at the back of your mind...
jica: sheyt
me: see...
me: because if you want to then you will
jica: aaahhhh... i hate this
jica: huhuhuhu
jica: i hate myself
me: why man?
jica: hmmph

now here's my FRIENDLY advice... hahayz

me: there's nothing wrong man jix in holding on
me: basta kaya mo yung consequences ng choice mo
jica: i dont want to stay this way forever ( sounds familiar?!)
me: so?
jica: you want ganito yung topic namin ni sam
jica: hahayz

oh boy! "gusto mo kausapin mo nalang kaya si sam?!" i thought. Why should she always insert his name?! What the.... anyway Sam's a friend so peace pero kaasar tlga.

jica: kainis naman nito
me: bakit nakakainis?
jica: kc ayaw ko na ng ganitong feeling
jica: sheyt
jica: wala lang naman cguro to noh?!
jica: ehehe
me: i dont know
me: it must be something
me: kc you want to hold on eh
me: i mean kung wala lang then you wont be affected
jica: kc nga at the back on my mind i'm hoping that maybe something might happen
jica: pero i know na wala
jica: ay ewan

here's my contradicting aw... critical thinker self again... siguro inis na xa sa akin sobra... hehe

me: you know na wala pero why hold on?
me: pero you still hold on?
jica: ewan nga eh
me:...

or maybe not...

jica: nainis ka na noh?
jica: nakakasawa na kc ako
jica: kainis
jica: hahayz
me: bat naman ako maiinis?
jica: kc sawa ka na sa aking pagiging ano...
me: nopez, wala naman eh
jica: sure?
me: i understand man where you're coming from...
me: yep sure

and she drops everything and i just denied... i hate myself for doing it...

jica: you feel the same way?
me: na what?
jica: na you wanna let go but you can't?
me: uhm i don't know
me: di naman cguro
me: maybe wala pa lang
jica: anong wala lang?
me: wala pa lang akong nakita? or something
me: wala eh
me: different man kc I've let go
me: pero ala pang new

what have-i-just-said? I've let go? napakasinungaling ko!

jica: buti ka pa
jica: ako ala pa talaga
jica: sheyt
jica: ayoko nah

naku! if she only knew what I've been going through... kc gago ako eh I should have kept my silence... kaya pinangatawanan ko nalang kahit di totoo...

me: pessimist kc ako, maybe it did help
me: and i don't really invest in dreams
me: hehe
jica: hahayz
jica: pano ba toh?!
me: uhm ikaw...
jica: ako lang makakatulong sa self ko
me: yep
jica: ang talino ng utak ko mag think (hahahaha umamin rin na matalino xa)... bobo ng heart ko
jica: sheyt
jica: ehehe
me: hehe
jica: *crying-out-loud emoticon*
me: okey lang yan
jica: bah?
jica: ehehe
jica: okey lang toh
jica: kaya pa naman eh
jica: ehehe
jica: dbah?
jica: thanks yur
me: *smile emoticon*
jica: *hug emoticon*
me: *smile emoticon*


dear reader hope you understand where I stood when I lied... but i know I should have told her, I owe her the truth but It could have been easy If it wasn't her I fell for and can't let go of...