Honesty, is not that bad after all

" i miss u... and i'm sad... would it be too much of a favor to ask someone like you... ...to cheer me up? sabihin mo lang i miss you too kahit hindi totoo"

this message started it all. I sent this one to Jica, wala lang half meant though. Well she knows very well that i don't send qoutes if i don't mean them. Almost all the time i don't respond to people when they send qoutes, because for one reason, i don't have qoutes that in one way or another appropriately responds to the qoutes they sent me. Jica responded through her father's phone (i guess)... kc me globe, xa naman addict mobile gamit niya.

jica: hi yu! hehe.. jica toh. ala lang
me: hello jix *u with two dots above it*
jica: musta yu? you sad?
me: uhm im ayt... :)
jica: oki. sad kc message mo... you sure?
me: yepz im fine, its just a message
jica: sure yu? hahayz...
me: sure
jica: okies.. At least you're okie.. *stick-out-tongue emoticon*
me: hehe kaw?
jica: im okie yu.. thanks for asking.. hehe.. bakit di ka dito nagrereply

i replied kc sa phone niya not on his dad's... eh dad niya globe... so she asked me to reply on her dad's kc sayang daw load ko and mag register nalang din daw ako unlimited text... so i did

me: aww... wala lang... *u with two dots above* uhm... i'm just here
jica: thanks yu... basta! I'm here lang din.. *stick-out-tongue emoticon*
me: uhmm emote natin... pero i miss you seriously
jica: ehehehe *stick-out-tongue emoticon* okey lang yan noh... minsan lang tayo nageemote.. hehe.. * stick-out-tongue emoticon*
jica: ehehe.. unli ka?
me: nopez
jica: hala! di ka ba nasasayangan sa load mo? Hahayz... bka nakakadisturb na ako ha?
me: okey lang noh ako kaya naunang magtext but if you need to go... okey lang din
jica: okey lang yu noh... meron ka ishashare or something? hehe..
me: huh? wala naman.. uhm kaw meron? or maybe na think na gusto iask?
jica: wala din akong mathink na iask... ehehehe... andito na naman tayo.. haha! mag unli ka para di sayang load mo.
me: uhm baka u need to do something pa... how man?
jica: okey lang noh... Hmm... (explained how to register... ... send to 2870) kaw baka busy ka?
me: uhm i'm not man... i was reading something pero okey lang i can drop it man hehe
jica: ehehe... bah? midterms na ninyo?
me: nopez not yet sa 19 pa... kaw dba midterms nyo nah? di ka magaaral?
jica: ehehe di ako makapagaral e! nag hang brain ko.. hehe.. hahayz!
me: why man? you want to study now? okey lang naman eh na next time na tayo mag talk or text
jica: ehehehe di din ako makapag aral eh...hahayz *stick-out-tongue emoticon*
me: why nga? something's bothering you? what man?
jica: ewan ko.. hahay.. unli ka na?
me: yep what man? you want to share something or what?

now! i got the answer to my question... without any precautions and early warnings i was astonished and startled when she replied...

jica: yu.. ala lang... am i hurting you?? kapal ko noh nagtanong bah? hahayz...
me: huh? where did that come from? why suddenly ask that question man?
jica: ala lang.. but yu, answer it... kung okey lang.. bahala ang kapal ko kc nagtanong talaga ako. hehe.
me: uhm tell me beh why nathing mo yung ganyan? where did that came from?
jica: wala lang... nathink ko lang... answer bah.. please.. then i'll tell you...
me: sige na why mo nathink na mag ask ka ng ganung question? uhm if i'll answer, would it make any difference?
jica: basta! nathink ko lang nga... Yes? or No? cge na...
me: pwede ba yun?
jica: yupz... sige nah! I know ang kapal ng mukha ko and i'm not in the position to ask..

I was in dillema that moment... I was worried to tell the truth, i just don't know the consequences. I ask for (3) other opinions... One said if she was in my shoes she should tell the truth, the other one I ask what would he choose between *chinese and japanese*, I assigned each of the two choices to a Yes or No, and he's choice was japanese and it was a Yes. He was shock when I mack him because it was an out of the blue question but anyway i said sorry for the inconvenience (that sounded familiar? parang underconstruction or renovation ginawa ko ah! hehehe)... the last one I got from a text a friend said "be true" and the truth is... as all of you readers know... I'm Hurt. It really took me for awhile before I decided to tell the truth...

me: sige i'll be honest this time... yes
jica: why? coz of the things I said?
me: huh? i dont know
me: uhm coz maybe i knew then that i cant be that someone you longed for
jica:im sowi yu... ang manhid ko.. feeling ko dami ko ng nahurt.. esp now.. im sorry.. * sad face emoticon*
me: you dont have to feel sorry jix i.. i had never taken that against you... i mean dba you are not to be blamed
jica: im sorry.. *sad face emoticon*
me: stop na jix its not something to really feel sorry about ... okey lang yan
jica: napakamanhid ko... * sad face emoticon* di ko man lang namalayan ang feelings ng iba.. huhu.. *sad face emoticon*
jica: eh kc ano... *sad face emoticon* hahayz! basta oi..
me: jica...
me: oi...
me: jix..
me: do you want me to call you jix? uhmm pwo will use the landline kc di na kaya ng load ko
me: ill wait for your reply... okiez?!

i just hate what she felt... this was what I've forseen... this was the thing I didn't want to happen... this is the reason why I wanted to lie again and again.. I don't want her to feel bad... I mean she is not accountable for all the hurting I was going through... urhg! hate this... I was worried and haven't slept 'til around 3am... I can't just sleep.. but anyway I was able to... At around 6:30am my phone rang (msg pla!), i was awaken by it with headache going on, ang ingay talaga ng ringtone ayaw tumigil hanggang ma press mo isang button...

jica: yu.. im sowi... nakasleep ako last nyt.. *sad face emoticon* basta... sowi.. *sad face emoticon*
me: ahh really

that's all i replied... nainis ako honestly... she was able to do that, leaving me stupid worrying all night... and now she has the gutts to tell me that she did and she's sorry... oh what the... I then went back to sleep... later that day i texted her...

me: hi jix.. you okey?
jica: okey lang yu noh... hahayz
me: okey ingatz always
jica: okies.. kaw din.. thanks yu *stick-out-tongue emoticon* sowi ha... *sad face emoticon*
me: ---i forgot what i replied---

that's where we stop... now i don't regret that I've said the truth to her.. I mean kahit papaano I still owe her the truth... and I don't know... I'm now confused... If she cared for me or not... i mean tulugan ba ung nangyari.. it's says something.. i don't know... It's for me to find out... and if i do I owe you some words dear reader...