blanc.

Hours after what happened, I am just too exhausted. My mind is in blank state, it stops thinking all I wanted was to rest. Nothing more nothing less.

I don't know there really comes a time when we have second thoughts and maybe this is what is happening to me. There comes a time when we think that we've given much and we couldn't give more. A time where we are too much hurt that we ought to keep our self in isolation.

I don't know maybe I just need to validate my feelings. Maybe I'm just too bored with life that I want to share it with someone but that someone I've bumped into is someone whom doesn't want to share a piece of her life with me.

Sometimes we tend to read beyond the lines too much that we don't see reality. Sometimes we hope too much that we forget that we are dreaming. Sometimes we are to engross with our feelings that we forget that it is just feelings. Feelings that in time without nurture could fade as if you've never felt it after all.

No one is to blame nor someone should hold responsibility because all I know I just felt it, not me wanted it nor you wished for it. It has existed... now it can, in anytime say its goodbyes.

Honesty, is not that bad after all

" i miss u... and i'm sad... would it be too much of a favor to ask someone like you... ...to cheer me up? sabihin mo lang i miss you too kahit hindi totoo"

this message started it all. I sent this one to Jica, wala lang half meant though. Well she knows very well that i don't send qoutes if i don't mean them. Almost all the time i don't respond to people when they send qoutes, because for one reason, i don't have qoutes that in one way or another appropriately responds to the qoutes they sent me. Jica responded through her father's phone (i guess)... kc me globe, xa naman addict mobile gamit niya.

jica: hi yu! hehe.. jica toh. ala lang
me: hello jix *u with two dots above it*
jica: musta yu? you sad?
me: uhm im ayt... :)
jica: oki. sad kc message mo... you sure?
me: yepz im fine, its just a message
jica: sure yu? hahayz...
me: sure
jica: okies.. At least you're okie.. *stick-out-tongue emoticon*
me: hehe kaw?
jica: im okie yu.. thanks for asking.. hehe.. bakit di ka dito nagrereply

i replied kc sa phone niya not on his dad's... eh dad niya globe... so she asked me to reply on her dad's kc sayang daw load ko and mag register nalang din daw ako unlimited text... so i did

me: aww... wala lang... *u with two dots above* uhm... i'm just here
jica: thanks yu... basta! I'm here lang din.. *stick-out-tongue emoticon*
me: uhmm emote natin... pero i miss you seriously
jica: ehehehe *stick-out-tongue emoticon* okey lang yan noh... minsan lang tayo nageemote.. hehe.. * stick-out-tongue emoticon*
jica: ehehe.. unli ka?
me: nopez
jica: hala! di ka ba nasasayangan sa load mo? Hahayz... bka nakakadisturb na ako ha?
me: okey lang noh ako kaya naunang magtext but if you need to go... okey lang din
jica: okey lang yu noh... meron ka ishashare or something? hehe..
me: huh? wala naman.. uhm kaw meron? or maybe na think na gusto iask?
jica: wala din akong mathink na iask... ehehehe... andito na naman tayo.. haha! mag unli ka para di sayang load mo.
me: uhm baka u need to do something pa... how man?
jica: okey lang noh... Hmm... (explained how to register... ... send to 2870) kaw baka busy ka?
me: uhm i'm not man... i was reading something pero okey lang i can drop it man hehe
jica: ehehe... bah? midterms na ninyo?
me: nopez not yet sa 19 pa... kaw dba midterms nyo nah? di ka magaaral?
jica: ehehe di ako makapagaral e! nag hang brain ko.. hehe.. hahayz!
me: why man? you want to study now? okey lang naman eh na next time na tayo mag talk or text
jica: ehehehe di din ako makapag aral eh...hahayz *stick-out-tongue emoticon*
me: why nga? something's bothering you? what man?
jica: ewan ko.. hahay.. unli ka na?
me: yep what man? you want to share something or what?

now! i got the answer to my question... without any precautions and early warnings i was astonished and startled when she replied...

jica: yu.. ala lang... am i hurting you?? kapal ko noh nagtanong bah? hahayz...
me: huh? where did that come from? why suddenly ask that question man?
jica: ala lang.. but yu, answer it... kung okey lang.. bahala ang kapal ko kc nagtanong talaga ako. hehe.
me: uhm tell me beh why nathing mo yung ganyan? where did that came from?
jica: wala lang... nathink ko lang... answer bah.. please.. then i'll tell you...
me: sige na why mo nathink na mag ask ka ng ganung question? uhm if i'll answer, would it make any difference?
jica: basta! nathink ko lang nga... Yes? or No? cge na...
me: pwede ba yun?
jica: yupz... sige nah! I know ang kapal ng mukha ko and i'm not in the position to ask..

I was in dillema that moment... I was worried to tell the truth, i just don't know the consequences. I ask for (3) other opinions... One said if she was in my shoes she should tell the truth, the other one I ask what would he choose between *chinese and japanese*, I assigned each of the two choices to a Yes or No, and he's choice was japanese and it was a Yes. He was shock when I mack him because it was an out of the blue question but anyway i said sorry for the inconvenience (that sounded familiar? parang underconstruction or renovation ginawa ko ah! hehehe)... the last one I got from a text a friend said "be true" and the truth is... as all of you readers know... I'm Hurt. It really took me for awhile before I decided to tell the truth...

me: sige i'll be honest this time... yes
jica: why? coz of the things I said?
me: huh? i dont know
me: uhm coz maybe i knew then that i cant be that someone you longed for
jica:im sowi yu... ang manhid ko.. feeling ko dami ko ng nahurt.. esp now.. im sorry.. * sad face emoticon*
me: you dont have to feel sorry jix i.. i had never taken that against you... i mean dba you are not to be blamed
jica: im sorry.. *sad face emoticon*
me: stop na jix its not something to really feel sorry about ... okey lang yan
jica: napakamanhid ko... * sad face emoticon* di ko man lang namalayan ang feelings ng iba.. huhu.. *sad face emoticon*
jica: eh kc ano... *sad face emoticon* hahayz! basta oi..
me: jica...
me: oi...
me: jix..
me: do you want me to call you jix? uhmm pwo will use the landline kc di na kaya ng load ko
me: ill wait for your reply... okiez?!

i just hate what she felt... this was what I've forseen... this was the thing I didn't want to happen... this is the reason why I wanted to lie again and again.. I don't want her to feel bad... I mean she is not accountable for all the hurting I was going through... urhg! hate this... I was worried and haven't slept 'til around 3am... I can't just sleep.. but anyway I was able to... At around 6:30am my phone rang (msg pla!), i was awaken by it with headache going on, ang ingay talaga ng ringtone ayaw tumigil hanggang ma press mo isang button...

jica: yu.. im sowi... nakasleep ako last nyt.. *sad face emoticon* basta... sowi.. *sad face emoticon*
me: ahh really

that's all i replied... nainis ako honestly... she was able to do that, leaving me stupid worrying all night... and now she has the gutts to tell me that she did and she's sorry... oh what the... I then went back to sleep... later that day i texted her...

me: hi jix.. you okey?
jica: okey lang yu noh... hahayz
me: okey ingatz always
jica: okies.. kaw din.. thanks yu *stick-out-tongue emoticon* sowi ha... *sad face emoticon*
me: ---i forgot what i replied---

that's where we stop... now i don't regret that I've said the truth to her.. I mean kahit papaano I still owe her the truth... and I don't know... I'm now confused... If she cared for me or not... i mean tulugan ba ung nangyari.. it's says something.. i don't know... It's for me to find out... and if i do I owe you some words dear reader...

renewed and moved jica

Days lasted without any communication, though I was online almost everday, she never was. text messages? haven't really. then she just appeared from nowhere, actually like what she usually does this past few days... BUZZ through ym...

jica: hi yu.. ala lang
me: *smile emoticon*
jica: just wanna thank you for always being there
jica: ehehehehe
jica: *wink emoticon*

now that statement made me think... where did that came from... weird parang mabait xa that time ha... "ano kaya nakain nito" i thought but then i asked her...

me: huh? what happened to you pla?
me: hehe
jica: ala lang
jica: galing kc ako sa retreat
jica: hehehe

"ahh yun naman pla" i was talking at the back of mind... no wonder she seemed strange but it didn't stop there...

jica: ang dami kong narealize
jica: ehehehe
me: hehe
jica: by the way... i think im over him
jica: ang happy ko
jica: ehehehe
jica: palagi lang ako nakatawa and nag smismile
jica: *big-grin emoticon*

that made me shrugged a little bit and now im in the villain mode again..

me: u think lang
me: hehe
jica: yeah... happy na ako
jica: pwomiz
jica: *smile emoticon*
me: pero it will cross your mind na pud promise
me: hehe

my statement was based on experience so don't argue... hehe

jica: i don't know
jica: ehehe
jica: dili na tingali
jica: na accept ko na
me: asus
jica: pwomiz
me: hehe
jica: ehehehe
jica: agree ka na lang
jica: im sure this time
me: hehe
me: uhm here's the ano jix... uhm there's nothing wrong in hoping as long as you don't dwell on that...

did i said "there's nothing wrong in hoping"? Oh my! moving on 101... not a good advice i think i had just put an anchor on my luggage and i'll be drowning in a split second... hmmm

jica: yeah.. i know
jica: pero wala na talaga eh... i mean... finally.. i'm over
jica: ehehehe
me: hehe
me: what did you do ba na you're sure na talaga na you're over him?
me: hehehe
me: evil ko noh
me: so okey na c sam?
me: hehe

now i'm drowned and wet all over... but jet is out... she's over him...

jica: okey lang... we talked and yun na yun
jica: ehehe
jica: ngee... ano ba yan? friends lang kami ni sam noh... hindi yan nagcross sa minds namin
jica: ehehehe
me: ows

now that made me think... did she said "never?" eh nanligaw nga sa kanya c sam eh... ano ba toh... ang gulo na kaya, so i changed the topic. We had a short talk on how did our week went
and talk bout coincidence with reality and horoscopes. We didn't really had a long one because she then had to go, her classmates where down stairs daw. hahaha akalain mo iniwan classmates niya hmmm... ang gulo mo jix!

never get over you getting over him

Our conversations were limitless, in terms of topics to discuss upon. Uhm yep, it is indeed limitless to the point that I get hurt though i shouldn't be feeling it i think. From one conversation basta i just can't mention it to this conversation...

me: you like the same person pa din?
jica: who?
jica: musta ka na?
me: me?
me: wala
jica: i mean your heart?
me: bakit napunta sa akin ha?
me: wala...
me: you like same person pa din?
me: oi sagutin mo tanong ko
jica: hahaha
jica: para di lang ako yung magsasalita bah
jica: ehehehe
jica: sino na person?
me: *stick-out-tongue emoticon*
me: jix as in xa
me: bakit meron pa bang iba?
jica: c jet ibig mo sabihin?
me: ofcourse
me: hahahaha
jica: hahahaha
jica: yep i think
jica: kainis namn xa eh
jica: hahayz
jica: ikaw?
jica: share ka naman

she tried so many times to change the topic but I tried to redirect her to our original topic. gago ko noh... I initiated in hurting myself pero i wanted to know lang naman din how was her heart eh.

me: bakit xa nakakainis?
jica: ehehehe
jica: kc nakakainis lang tlga xa
me: bakit nga?
jica: anyweiz share ka din
me: bakit ano ba ginagawa niya?
jica: unfair pag ako lang
jica: bakit sawi ka?
jica: sabi ni karen
me: stop asking muna beh
me: si karen lang may sabi nun
me: you know naman pla na its unfair... then y not move on?
jica: nah
jica: bakit man? (refering to sawi thing)
me: i mean you can't stay that way forever
jica: i know yur
me: you know but you can't do it
jica: yan palagi sinasabi ni sam (what the?!)
jica: hahayz
jica: how man beh?
jica: magkagrupo pa kami
jica: kainis
me: by giving time for yourself and other people
jica: i'm trying to stay away na nga eh
me: jix its not staying away
jica: im spending time with other people (bakit ako di kasali? huhuhuhu.. hehe)
me: dapat you still acknowledge his presence
me: but don't dwell on him
me: just be civilian to him...
jica: yeah ganyan yung ginagawa ko
jica: kc wala naman akong magawa xa yung lumalapit (kapal?! peace.)
jica: hahayz
me: well paglumapit xa then be it.
me: naiintimidate ka kc agad i think... pag andjan xa
jica: di noh
jica: ehehehe
jica: hahayz
me: sure?
jica: sure
me: ahh okey
me: then better
jica: inaaway ko man yan xa pag lumalapit
jica: hahayz
jica: kainis kc xa pag tumingin
jica: hahaha
jica: anyweiz... kaw na man?

Now i'm pissed... kainis makuha bang ikwento nakakaano ng gana makipag usap... hahayz but i tried to be patient... hay naku! ang sarap untugin ulo sa cemento...

me: naiintimidate ka
me: jix
me: ngek
me: wala naman ako maishare eh (sus kung pwede ko lang sa'yo! grr)
me: wala talaga
me: blank
jica: hows your heart nga?
me: okey lang ( kahit hindi okey! hmmp!)
me: nothing much
jica: sus
jica: chikka ka bah
me: yun nga
me: wala naman akong ichichikka eh
me: kc wala namang nangyayari
jica: ows?
me: yep
jica: sige na (kayanin mo kaya kung sabihin ko?! hay naku!)
me: wala tlga
jica: bakit sinabi ni karen na sawi ka?
me: ewan ko
jica: ngekz
jica: pwede ba yun?
me: nilalagyan lang nya ng meaning ung "hahayz" ko
jica: hahaha
jica: pero baka naman meron tlgang meaning yun
me: wala eh
jica: oh?
me: kc wala naman talagang nangyayari eh
me: cge ask ka ng question
me: if you want to ask
me: then pag may maisagot ako
me: ianswer ko
jica: ano naman itatanong ko
me: i dont know
jica: im not good in asking questions
jica: bakit nga ba sawi ka?
me: i dont know
me: sige ask anything
jica: share ka nalang
jica: ayokong mag ask
me: ill try to answer
me: wala kc akong maishare
jica: nah
jica: ala talaga
jica: sige na yu
jica: meron yan
jica: eheheh
me: what man?
jica: ang kulit ko noh?
jica: you found someone nah? ( where did this came from?)
me: nopez
me: wala
jica: sure?
jica: ehehe
me: yep
me: sure
jica: ako din
jica: ehehe
jica: wala pa
jica: hahayz
me: huh?
me: c jet man kaya?
jica: daming sawi
jica: but we're not meant for each other
jica: hahayz
me: then y hold on?
jica: i dont know
jica: i wanna let go
me: then let go
jica: i can't
jica: i've tried
me: you can't 'coz you don't want to
jica: i want to
me: no you don't

i know her better.... a lot better actually...

jica: ok fine... part of me doesn't want to
me: at the back of your mind...
jica: sheyt
me: see...
me: because if you want to then you will
jica: aaahhhh... i hate this
jica: huhuhuhu
jica: i hate myself
me: why man?
jica: hmmph

now here's my FRIENDLY advice... hahayz

me: there's nothing wrong man jix in holding on
me: basta kaya mo yung consequences ng choice mo
jica: i dont want to stay this way forever ( sounds familiar?!)
me: so?
jica: you want ganito yung topic namin ni sam
jica: hahayz

oh boy! "gusto mo kausapin mo nalang kaya si sam?!" i thought. Why should she always insert his name?! What the.... anyway Sam's a friend so peace pero kaasar tlga.

jica: kainis naman nito
me: bakit nakakainis?
jica: kc ayaw ko na ng ganitong feeling
jica: sheyt
jica: wala lang naman cguro to noh?!
jica: ehehe
me: i dont know
me: it must be something
me: kc you want to hold on eh
me: i mean kung wala lang then you wont be affected
jica: kc nga at the back on my mind i'm hoping that maybe something might happen
jica: pero i know na wala
jica: ay ewan

here's my contradicting aw... critical thinker self again... siguro inis na xa sa akin sobra... hehe

me: you know na wala pero why hold on?
me: pero you still hold on?
jica: ewan nga eh
me:...

or maybe not...

jica: nainis ka na noh?
jica: nakakasawa na kc ako
jica: kainis
jica: hahayz
me: bat naman ako maiinis?
jica: kc sawa ka na sa aking pagiging ano...
me: nopez, wala naman eh
jica: sure?
me: i understand man where you're coming from...
me: yep sure

and she drops everything and i just denied... i hate myself for doing it...

jica: you feel the same way?
me: na what?
jica: na you wanna let go but you can't?
me: uhm i don't know
me: di naman cguro
me: maybe wala pa lang
jica: anong wala lang?
me: wala pa lang akong nakita? or something
me: wala eh
me: different man kc I've let go
me: pero ala pang new

what have-i-just-said? I've let go? napakasinungaling ko!

jica: buti ka pa
jica: ako ala pa talaga
jica: sheyt
jica: ayoko nah

naku! if she only knew what I've been going through... kc gago ako eh I should have kept my silence... kaya pinangatawanan ko nalang kahit di totoo...

me: pessimist kc ako, maybe it did help
me: and i don't really invest in dreams
me: hehe
jica: hahayz
jica: pano ba toh?!
me: uhm ikaw...
jica: ako lang makakatulong sa self ko
me: yep
jica: ang talino ng utak ko mag think (hahahaha umamin rin na matalino xa)... bobo ng heart ko
jica: sheyt
jica: ehehe
me: hehe
jica: *crying-out-loud emoticon*
me: okey lang yan
jica: bah?
jica: ehehe
jica: okey lang toh
jica: kaya pa naman eh
jica: ehehe
jica: dbah?
jica: thanks yur
me: *smile emoticon*
jica: *hug emoticon*
me: *smile emoticon*


dear reader hope you understand where I stood when I lied... but i know I should have told her, I owe her the truth but It could have been easy If it wasn't her I fell for and can't let go of...

what more do you want to hear?

Around 12am i texted her, i didn't expect anything from her though it was late and she's not used to getting up for a call or a text. It was unusual or maybe not.

me: stil up?
jica: yep pauwi na ako eh... why? meron ka bang sasabihin o ikwekwento?
me: wala lang naman... txt you later pagkauwi mo.... ingat sa pag uwi

she's on her way home which means sa daan xa i stop texting her muna para she wouldn't use her cellphone baka ma snatch pa, ala akong pambayad but more than anything else ayaw ko tlga mapahamak xa.

jica: andito na ako... so ano?
me: wala lang nga
me: uhm na panood mo na ba sukob? nood tayo
jica: di pa pero kc may kausap na ako eh
me: ahh okey no probz
me: sus nakakamiss ka nga to the point na kakainis
jica: ehehehe eh ang tipid mo nga sumagot eh. sa ym ha.
me: atleast nagrereply
me: and ano pa ba ibang isasagot ko... wala namn eh
me: what more do you want to hear from me pa bah?

then the wala na xa bigla, i know nakatulog na yun kc she's texting most of the time before going to bed. One of her night rituals. hehehe. I called her up pero ala ng sumasagot meaning tulog na nga. When I woke up I was surprise ang aga nag buzz sa ym ko 7am ata yun then...

jica: yu sorry di na ako naka reply nakatulog na kc ako eh anyway i'm using daddy's phone...
hehe

hmmm nainis ako promise but bumawi eh. hehehe. kaya okey lang yun naiinis pero cute din eh. yung nga nakakamiss xa to the point na nakakainis.

jica: YURI
jica: hehehehe
me: yep?
jica: nakakatawa ako kc na sign out ko ym ko
jica: ehehehe
me:
jica: magwatch ka ng sukob ngayon?
me: dont know
me: ill wait for karen
jica: ahh okiez
jica: kakainis nagsasawa na ako
jica: palagi nalang kaming nagoovernight
jica: hmph
jica: nakakapagod na tlga
jica: wala kang class?
me: di ka namn nag overnyt kagabi dba?
me: wala akong pasok
jica: wala... pero nung monday as in wala akong tulog
me: ahhh
jica: oi pag may makita kang dvd na tagalog nung my girl sabihan mo ko ah
me: k
jica: grabeh proven na tlga pagka tipid mo
jica: ehehehehe
me: bakit ano ba gusto mong sabihin ko?
jica: ala lang
jica: chikka
me: huh? wala namn akong ichichikka eh
jica: ok
me: if u want kaw nalang...
jica: wala naman akong mastory eh
jica: i think
jica: ehehehe
jica: sig meron akong ishare
me: ahhh k
jica: secret natin toh ha
jica: hmmm...
me: ?
jica: nah....
me: if you want to share it
me: then share it
me: if you dont then wag
jica: nahihiya ako
jica: wag nalang
jica: ehehehe
me: ok
jica: next time nalang pag ready na ako
jica: ehehehe
jica: shux
jica: ishashare ko nalang
jica: hahayz
jica: i need advice
me: ok

hmmm... uhm i wont go on details nalang but basta it's about her love life... hahayz kainis sobra could you imagine what's happening ha parang nag susuicide ako sa mga pinaggagawa nito. hahayz.... next time kwento ko nalang kaya nagkakalakas ng loob para humingi ng advice sa akin dahil din sa nasabi ko though it's a good thing for one, kc she trusts me pero you know nah i would end up feeling bad for myself :(

changes and missing

I've moved to another school since june and since then I've seen Jica once. Uhm I still remember though but the last time we saw each other we never spoke. If you could recall the "talk-to-me-when-you-already-told-your-parents" drama, that was the last time that I saw her. This is totally the opposite of the past school year, unlike before ( we were classmates) we barely see each other now. We meet up online but conversations doesn't last that long. As usual just share songs and some updates on ourselves. Life has been to different between the two of us. She is on her last year in college and busy with school while me left stranded, adapting in a new environment. We just don't meet in the middle these days. Time just runs through us with me missing her and her i don't know...

me: hi jix!
me: i'm going bya to an overnight later
me: with some 4th year HS classmates
me: i don't know if jay will be coming
me: hehe
me: wala lang share ko lang
me: as if you care
me: nyahahahaha
me: bitaw
me: i don't know ano gawin dun
me: hehe
me: cge text you later
me: ingatz
me: prepare muna ako
me: *smile emoticon*
me: nyt nah! hahahahaha
me: grabeh ang early noh
me: *smile emoticon*

Actually she was offline then when I mack her and so did not expect of any reply from her. When I was already at the venue, My mood just went so bad because I lost this plug something to be connected on my speakers. I was so disappointed with what happened that I texted her to express what I felt after I sent it my phone got bugged, the batt was empty. So overnight I was looking for ways to have my batt charged because I expected too much for her to reply but when I got it charged I just further more disappoint myself. Didn't receive any. Days passed...
I texted her...

me: jix, napanood mo na sukob? watch tayo...

enk! no reply then august 3:

jix: buzz!
me: ?
jix: hi yu
me: hi
jix: uy
me: ?
jix: ang tipid ba magreply
jix: hehehehehe
me: wala akong masabi eh
jix: ngekz
jix: meron noh
me: that's why I was asking what
jix: dami mong offline messages sa akin nah
me: ahh okey
me: that was days ago pa man
jix: bago lang naman ako nakapag net
me: ok

that was the end of that day... nainis lang talaga ako sobra though its all me who is to be blamed kc i was the one naman who expected much?! which should have not been... but bottomline I just miss her :(

rain and a cup of coffee

It was a rainy thursday afternoon then, I was at school at the library actually when I thought of texting Jica.

me: san ka?
me: andito me sa library
jica: hi! dito ako sa bahay eh
me: study ka na?
jica: uhm trying to. I'm just listening music eh... nageemote...
me: hehehe sabay sana tayo magstudy
jica: ngek alam mo naman eh di ako nakakapag concentrate pag madami tao eh
jica: and you nah di ako pumapasok sa library
me: uhm punta ako jan... okey lang?
me: i'll bring coffee or hot choco :)
jica: kaw bahala

i immediately got my things and went to dunkin donuts to order two medium coffee. I then got a ride.

me: dito na ako sa labas

She then went outside opened the gate. Wow! napasecond look ako this was the first time I saw her wearing spaghetti straps and she looked great with that.

jica: ang basa mo nah.
jica: hali pasok ka na
jica: di yan mangangagat (they have golden retrievers kc)
jica: nakakainis yu kc nadumihan suot ko kc namn yung aso eh
me: hehe eh di magpalit ka na lang
me: wait

i then took off my shoes... kc basa eh nakakahiya naman kung magkakalat pa ako eh ang linis pa namn ng bahay nila.

jica: oi ano yan?
me: basa eh
jica: sige lagay mo nalang jan
me: di ka ata nag alala at baka pagalitan ka ng lolo mo
jica: tulog xa eh andun sa taas and okey lang noh
jica: oi upo ka nah higa lang ako ah

i seated right infront of her and xa comfortably naka higa sa sofa while reading her notes. I just can't believe na pumayag xa na punta ako kc she's not used to na pumupunta guys sa bahay nila. Strict din kc lolo nya. Officially I was the first guy to go inside except for her relative ofcourse kc ung isang kaklase namin hanggang gate lang.

me: oi inomin na natin toh habang mainit pa.
me: mamaya na yan, di ka naman babagsak eh
me: ikaw pa ang talino mo, di nga ako nagstudy maxado eh
jica: ngek di nga pumapasok sa isip ko eh kanta lang ako ng kanta nageemote
me: sus as if
jica: wala tlga

She made kwento na ng kung ano ano, bout her uncle and about everyone else. I just listened and stared at her as if I've never seen her for the longest time. I just can't drop the smile on my face. Call me crazy but it can't be dropped. We heard a kalabog upstairs, then her lolo came out to our view.

jica: lo, andito kaklase.. ko c yuri
me: gud afternoon po *smile*

her lolo just nodded and smiled. Then jica just continued her talking she just stop when it was minutes before we go for her to prepare.

jica: tara na! malalate na tayo
me: sige tara!
jica: lo! mauna na kami. lock ko na tong pintuan... c daddy andun sa kabila

i waited for her to close the door then off we went. Naglakad kami from their house to the corner to get a ride.

jica: Anjan ata daddy ko eh
me: huh? asan?
jica: jan sa barkada niya nag dadart
me: ahh
jica: dad! pasok na ako!

I took a look on his dad but didn't saw him kaya lakad nalang kami hanggang kanto.

me: so ano? lakarin nalang natin?
me: lapit lang naman eh
jica: no sakay tayo
me: lapit lang naman kc eh
me: okey
me: san tau maghihintay?
jica: dun nalang sa may tindahan
me: okiez

we then waited for the ride and went to school. The rain has already stopped but breeze was still just so different.

bestfriends ayt?!

From then on, we assumed bestfriends. We jokingly call ourselves magbestfriends , though I hate the idea of it. I knew more about her and the latest on her including her crushes and suitor. Uhuh nasasaktan but what can we do? I can't say anything bad about her crushes and suitor, their my friends of some sort and I can't do that, you know?! Can you imagine I play stupid?! When she starts to share something I just assumed the friend role and give advices even if it gives me all the disadvantages. And her? she felt comfortable talking it out... manhid tlga...

Oi si ano? Oi si ganyan? huh?! what the... anyway it's still good to know that she's comfortable sharing anything to me but what's not just good is it makes me feel insecure... kung minsan nanliliit nlang... hahayz I can't blame her, she got a crush on somebody already before I fell for her. I just give her advices in a way that she wouldn't say na naninira ako or something I played fair naman pero not to myself i guess. It was really weird of me, but sometimes I just get tired with all the drama that I get tired and just shut myself up and sometimes I go the extra mile.

After an activity at school, nagkayayaan to eat dinner out. I knew she wouldn't be coming, I assumed because first of the cold war and second of Sam. Hmmm... atleast it wasn't me, she doesn't want to be with. I just didn't force her to but others did.

karen: tara na!
myco: dali nah... so san tau?
me: ewan... kayo nalang mag-decide
myco: kar san bah?
karen: di ko alam... ask yuri
me: bakit ako? kayo nalang pumili
karen: si sam o...
myco: sam san tau?
sam: jane san ba? hehe
jane: ewan... wag ako... kau nlang... i won't eat naman eh.

as usual turuan was the game. hahaha we always do this... me i just don't want to decide baka di nila magustohan ung taste ko pero my tase is not that bad ha! and I don't want to control them but walang gustong magdecide eh kaya...

me: so sa ______ tayo?
myco: sige tara!
jane: eh sila jica at trixie san nah?
me: na sa CR pa daw... text nalang daw... susunod nalang daw sila
myco: sus! tara na nga!

nainis na c myco but i knew na parang di na sila susunod sa amin, sumakay na kami when jica and trixie went out sa may gate ng school...

jane: oi hali na kayo!
trixie: di na ako sasama kc kailangan na akong umuwi.. tinext na ko ng mama ko eh
karen: o kaw jix sakay na...
jica: nah i'll go home na
myco: sige nah sama na sus...
jane: hali nah... andito si sam o

i just kept my silence and just gave her the look (saying its up to you)... I don't want to get blamed by her after wards... so when we arrived sa resto... guess who's there? Rikka... "Oh no!" i thought worrying pretty sure jica wouldn't be in anyway comfortable. Well what can we do we were there already. We took our seats and started to order but Jica didn't.

myco: kaw jix?
jica: ayaw ko kumain... busog pa ako eh
jane: sige na
me: sige na jix kain ka na

she then ordered. We were all getting annoyed kc ang tagalng order namin and we were starving as in like STARVING.

myco: hay salamat at dumating din.
karen: nagugutom na tlga ako
me: yey!
myco: hala! kulang pa?
me: sa inyo muna toh o
me: yan na naman eh.. padating na

the table was filled with silence as we munched on our food. Jica and me seated at the opposite tail ends of the table, I was looking at her when she caught me I didn't drop it giving her a look asking her whether she was ok. I know it's a stupid question coz I knew she wasn't comfortable with everything that was happening. I just texted her nalang... imagine how pathetic it can be, texting when your just inches away from each other?

me: are you okey?
jica: no
jica: sana di nalang ako sumama
me: uhm kain ka muna
jica: yu, can't stand this
jica: i don't want to go home with him

refering to sam. oh i forgot to tell you, sam's house is near jica's so they will be on the same ride practically.

me: okey gawan ko ng paraan
jica: pano?

i just broke the silence over the table and started talking aloud to jica.

me: jix meron ka bang notes nung...?

I was bluffing and tried to give her the hint to ride on it.

jica: uhm parang... na sa bahay eh
me: dba magtetest tau bukas?
me: sabay nlang tau.. kunin ko mamaya sa inyo
jica: okey

well no one objected with that, I guess I pulled it off. After a few talks we we all stood up and headed the exit.

jane: saan kau?
myco: hatid ko muna (refering to karen her girlfriend)
jane: kaw sam? sabay nalang kau ni jica
sam: *smile with a blush*
jane: o yuri ikaw?
me: ahh my kukunin ako kina jica eh
jane: ahh okey sige sabay nalang tau dun ako baba sa may metrobank

hmmm i know that jane was up to something (Jane is close to Sam actually) and sorry we planned ahead. hehe. so we went, jane was the chatterbox that time. I was just silent, Jane and Sam were talking and jica too was silent then.

jane: so sam kamusta na kayo ni jica, ha? (similing while while getting an eye on the reaction jica has to express)
sam: *smiled*
jica: *smiled*
jane: o! kaw naman yu? musta ka naman ha?
me: okey lang
jane: something new?
me: wala naman
jane: oi sam, jix usap naman kau!

i just then beemed on the window and tried to grasp anything from the surroundings. I tried not hearing there conversation but as usual jica was that demure... answer just the question type.

jane: para po
jane: mauna na ako
jane: ingat kayo
sam: bye jane
jane: sam ha! txt nalang
me: bye jane ingat
jica: bye jane

now the ride was all silence but sam tried to start a conversation with jica but not too long when sam needed to go and we were left alone. It was a relief to her I know and she then started to talk.

jica: thanks yu
me: okey lang yun noh *smiling face*
me: uhm bakit? what's with him bah at ayaw mo makasama?
jica: ah eh
me: *stared at her*
jica: kc natatakot ako baka he'd ask me again
jica: di ko alam ano isasagot ko
jica: baka ano lang masabi ko
me: ahh okey
jica: mah-ma pakanan po (she was giving directions)
jica: thanks tlga yu ha
me: okey nga lang yun
jica: kc naman eh
me: para po
me: ako nah
me: bayad po o
jica: thanks tlga ha
me: no probs
jica: sige pasok na ko at uwi ka na
me: sige... ( i didn't move)
jica: o ano? bakit jan ka pa?
me: sige na go ahead intayin kita maka pasok
jica: sus.. (she smiled na may halong kantsaw)
me: o ano? sige nah go... nyt
jica: sige na nga nyt
jica: ingat and thanks again
me: okey ( i smiled)

she then went inside and closed the door and i turned my back and went home.